yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
