he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
