He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
