porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
