My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
