Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
