My first STD was from a foam party
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
