if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
