I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
