i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
