I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
