My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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