I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
