I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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