He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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