dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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