I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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