I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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