Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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