brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
