i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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