Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
