I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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