I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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