she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
