yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
