Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
