God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
