It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
