somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
