I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i've created a new STD.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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