all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
