I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I accidentally had phone sex last night
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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