theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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