there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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