Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
