I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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