I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
