Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
