It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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