im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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