My boss' voice literally gives me gas
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
