1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Swine flu is the new snow day.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
