I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
