Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
