god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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