Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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