That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
They took my balls.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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