she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
