I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
