I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
