i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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