Already got asked if we're dating
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
