RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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