Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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