So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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