He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Randomize
