How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
