Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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