ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize