the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
