Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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