It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
