I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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