let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize