If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
