i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
