The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I didn't notice because vodka
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize