He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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