Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
