Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
