guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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