I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
