party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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