So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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