I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize