Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Send help, water and tortillas.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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