I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
