to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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