Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
